How to Be a Village for a Family

Image by Susnag

Pamela Chan, M.Ed/Editorial

In many respects, my family shares commonalities with other BC families.  Due to the launch of a business (relaunch of a career),  we are not a high income earning family.  Like many BC families, when our twins were in their early years, we did not employ/use nannies, babysitters, on-call nanny services or emergency drop in childcare centres.  We also did not have family members stopping by multiple times per week.  My husband and I looked after our children, or less frequently, a friend or family member helped out.

Before I met and married my husband, I had many opportunities to help other parents of young children.  I visited with these families, went on outings or even stayed at their homes.  In some cases, I helped to look after the children a lot.  I did this because I wanted to help.  I wanted to support the families and, in particular, support the parents.  I believed that it must be stressful to be a parent of young children – keeping a watchful eye on a child or children all the time.  I decided if I could help to reduce the pressure of this 24/7 responsibility, I would support the family and maybe even reduce the level of stress that might be affecting the parents’ relationship.  Sometimes these efforts could be as simple as occupying a child while the parents enjoyed a social function.  On other occasions, I would babysit for a few hours or even for the whole day.

Our newborn twins going for a walk in North False Creek (Yaletown), where we lived at the time.  Our fold flat Zooper double stroller that just fit through regular doorways was a lifesaver!

As a parent of young twins, I remember these efforts and realized that my motivations were well placed.   When my twins were between the age of newborn babies and age 3 years old, friends of our family offered to babysit on the night that my husband’s firm had their Christmas party. The first time they offered, our twins were under 6 months old. They are seasoned parents but it had been awhile since their children were babies, and two babies at once is a tad bit daunting.  However, they sailed through the evening unphased.

Four years later, we didn’t have an office party to go to as my husband was no longer working with his firm. Our friends offered to come by but we my husband and I both had colds.  A few months later, my parents were in town and they looked after our twins so that we could go out for our anniversary.  Other than one visit to Ikea, that included using the one hour free child minding service, we hadn’t been alone together as a couple on a kind of date for almost a year and a half!

There are other ways that friends and family supported our family. Two other couples in the same social circle got together with us a few times a year. Friends who live locally or in other parts of the world contacted us and offered their support – even sending thoughtful gifts to our children, which was most appreciated. One grandparent in our family arranged family lunches every two weeks.  Sometimes the lunch only included our family and sometimes they included other immediate family members.  When our twins were still in their stroller we took them into Provence restaurant in Yaletown, into various Chinese restaurants and other locations where you might not expect to see babies in a double stroller or booster chairs. (Thanks go out to those restaurants for being accommodating!)  My parents live on the island and could only come out to the Lower Mainland a few times a year; however, they would call our home once a week and we would catch up on what was going on.

These are some of the ways that friends and family supported our family when our twins were in their early years.  Every time I heard from someone in writing or on the phone, or received a visit in person, this interaction provided both my husband and me with support, validation and provided an overall boost to our spirits. 

How do you support the parents of young children who are in your family and circle of friends? How do your family members and friends support you, as a parent?  You can comment about this posting on the BCFamily.ca Facebook page. Your contribution matters so don’t be shy!