Tending Our Friendships

The affirmations tumbled out of a scrapbook stuffed full of postcards and was handed to me by my three year old child.  “What’s this, mummy?”, he asked.  “Oh. Hmnn. That’s pretty”, I said, as I looked at the image on the card.  “Oh. UH!”, I then added, after reading the signature.

It was a message delivered from the past – written many years ago, almost to the day,  and was one that I had completely forgotten.  Looking at the date I wondered “how could this person have written such sentiments a month before disappearing?”.

My dear,

Happy happy birthday to a dear and delicate woman who has a strength and direction that no one can match.

This card reminds me of you. So elegant and so many fruits of wisdom, knowledge and talents that you preside over.

Happy Birthday, my friend,




Accompanying the card was a delicate, opaque, pale blue glass ornament made in the shape of heart.  Through the intervening years it has somehow remained intact and is an elegant addition to our Christmas tree.  If pressed I might have to admit that I’ve taken special care of it as it is a reminder that our friendship was once held in high regard by a person who is no longer in my life.

A month after this card was written, this appreciative friend turned her attention to a new love interest and dropped out of sight.  She cancelled social invitations for important events yet had time in the months that followed to introduce her new partner to females who were already paired up.  A friendship that had been strong and fruitful became – in her mind at least – a potential source of romantic competition.  Our friendship ended and after many years it is clear that it will likely never have a new beginning.  Ultimately the love affair ended as well.

This outcome is a reminder of how we can nourish, cherish and make time for our friendships.  The roots of friendship can run deep – strengthening while spreading into all areas of our life.  Or like weeds, the shallow roots of friendship can support a pretty, yet fragile relationship that can be cast aside by the the mildest upheaval.

When we develop friendships we can choose carefully, plant deeply and tend our relationships.  Years later we can reap the benefits of our efforts – or not.  Much depends on our ability to make choices about the friends we make and the degree to which we trust the foundations for our friendships that we have laid.


Tending Your Garden of Friendships

Tending to our friendhips

Tending your positive friendship circle

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Daily Dish Archives: Pamela Chan/Publisher, BCfamily.ca

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