Pamela Chan, BCFamily.ca/Editorial
Lean 30 : 30 days of keeping it lean and old school online. More
Wow – for an article about marriage and sex, this New York Times piece has it all. It was written by Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist and author of Marry Him: The Case For Settling for Mr. Good Enough*. She covers topics such as the effect of your husband’s vacuuming on sex drive, egalitarian partnerships, choosing Mr. Opposite versus Mr. Similar, how pornography is unrealistic and a number of other topics.
More importantly the author moves beyond the typical topics covered in the ever present “get your groove back post baby” articles. You must surely have read one of those. They explain how you might have a slump in the bedroom in the first few months after baby arrives but you can get your groove back. Inevitably the authors seem to suggest that this will happen in the first six months or so. For couples who take longer or never get back on the saddle – assuming more children aren’t in the works – these articles are completely useless and uninspiring.
Of course Gottlieb’s article isn’t really discussing the “post-baby reality meets desire” conundrum. It’s about how the rest of life and the choices we make can get in the way.
You might see a link to this piece pass through your social media homepage but just in case I’m passing it along. Here in British Columbia, where we’re paying over 80% to cover housing expenses and dashing about to make ends meet, stress levels can be high and married/common law couples can be stretched to the maximum. While trying to find balance, the topics in this piece just might provide a bit of solace.
* BCFamily.ca is connected to the Book Depository affiliate programme, chosen because of their selection, prices, customer service and (best of all) fast and free shipping.
This was a very strong article. Though I can see a lot of the comments are by people who are triggered deeply by this idea that sexual attraction may wane within the fairly new ‘ideal’ marriage – I can see the point. Hubby and I have a strong relationship in all ways, and though it has been an issue at times, I attribute some of this to me sending him off to his man cave – a lot. I can do my thing then with the house and kids, and we have a chance to miss and appreciate each other. Not for everyone, I know… but we like it 🙂
Hi, Danielle, It seems the comments (almost 800 so far!) are coming from all angles. I think this is going to be one of those pieces where the comments are as thought provoking as the piece itself.